Super Spur: Engineering the perfect Tottenham player

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 03: Daniel Levy the Tottenham Charman looks on during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Tottenham Hotspur at Boleyn Ground on May 3, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Paul Gilham/Getty Images)
LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 03: Daniel Levy the Tottenham Charman looks on during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Tottenham Hotspur at Boleyn Ground on May 3, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Paul Gilham/Getty Images) /

Harry Kane’s clinical finishing, Davinson Sanchez’s brute strength; what other attributes make the list while engineering the perfect Tottenham player?

It’s no secret that Tottenham cannot compete with their lavishly spending competitors in the transfer market. Instead, Daniel Levy focuses investments on up and coming talent, which can be a lottery at times.

But what if there was a way to ensure Spurs could acquire the exact attributes of a perfect player? It would be nice to be able to bless Moussa Sissoko with the finesse of Glen Hoddle, or bestow Ben Davies with the attacking swagger of Ricky Villa.

With the vast scientific capabilities already available, engineering a ‘super human’ is not as absurd an idea as you may think. Could the chairman be tempted to take on a Victor Frankenstein type role?

I can almost see the voluptuous bliss swelling in Mr. Levy’s eyes as a Super Spur awakens in a lab extension built on the back of Hotspur Way. Let’s have a look at some of the current Tottenham crop with stand out genes.

Pace: Moussa Sissoko

The crown for Tottenham’s fastest player is worn by Sissoko. Since Opta began tracking player’s speeds in 2014, Moussa has clocked the fifth quickest out of any Premier League player during that period. Unfortunately, Sissoko can only utilize this talent in a straight line, which is why blistering pace is not the first thing that springs to most fans’ minds when describing the Frenchman…

Agility: Marcus Edwards

Fans have been yearning for a prolonged glimpse of Edwards ever since Mauricio Pochettino likened him to Messi. The fleet-footed 19-year-old possesses an abundance of attacking flair with his miniature stature, contributing to some phenomenal agility.

Passing: Christian Eriksen

Since the Dane’s arrival in 2013 his perception and precision have been a constant weapon utilized in the final third. Last year Tottenham scored a whopping 86 league goals. Kane received the majority of recognition but Christian Eriksen’s right wand played a pivotal role, creating 112 chances for teammates.

Dribbling: Mousa Dembele

Mousa Dembele walks away with this accolade. Anyone who has worked with Dembele is quick to let you know that it is impossible to dispossess the powerful Belgian. Such as his international teammate Kevin De Bruyne stated:

"“For me, in a five-a-side, he’s the best player in the world. He’s so strong on the ball, you can never take the ball of him.”"

Finishing: Harry Kane

Last month Kane became the first man since 2009 to score more than Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo in a calendar year. The ruthlessly clinical finisher has an obsession with finding the back of the net and must be running out of space for an ever growing collection of match balls and Golden Boot awards.

Crossing: Kieran Trippier

Although some areas of the right back’s game may be lacking, one thing he certainly can do is cross a football. Kieran Trippier’s pinpoint deliveries are the stuff of dreams for receiving strikers.

Strength: Davinson Sanchez

Following a record fee spent by Spurs, Davinson Sanchez treated fans to one of his trademark shoulders at the expense of unknowing test dummy Dani Alvez while on international duty.

Heading: Toby Alderwereild

It was a close call between Toby Alderweireld and Eric Dier but the Belgian gets the nod. His stylish undercut is rarely beaten to the ball and he is Tottenham’s main target from set pieces.

Runs: Dele Alli

Just as Dele burst onto the scene, he has the ability to infiltrate the opposition’s backline undetected. Devastatingly effective runs have lead to the young man’s stats eclipsing those achieved by Ronaldo, Paul Scholes, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard at the same age.

Brain: Jan Vertonghen

Belgium’s most capped international has learned a trick or two along the way. Nobody reads the game as well as Jan Vertonghen, breaking up countless attacks with perfectly timed interceptions. The dependable centre half commands the back line with ease while leading us out with slick passing.

Next: What would constitute a successful Tottenham campaign?

Loyalty: Jesus Perez

Loyalty can be an invaluable quality these days and Tottenham’s assistant seems as trusty as they come. Jesus Perez has been by Poch’s side since Espanyol and has the face of a man who would run through a brick wall should the manager even suggest it.

Physical Appearance: Fernando Llorente

Well, we would have to put a face on the body and while we’re at it we may as well make it a handsome one. The Spaniard may not have aroused fans with his performances thus far, but he is easy on the eye while wearing Lillywhite.

Would you make any adjustments? Let us know in the comments.