Ten Dumbest Tottenham Transfer Rumors Today


Which Tottenham rumors have been the absolute worst today?

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With today being transfer deadline, there are plenty of rumors out there that will make you stop refreshing your Twitter timeline. Here’s a top ten list to read.

1. Hugo Lloris will be sold to United– Every time I read this as a possibility my body tenses up in a way that only anxiety sufferers can understand. I do this despite the fact that United A.) Haven’t yet confirmed selling De Gea and B.) Are reportedly purchasing Keylor Navas. I think I’ll just stare at Hugo’s calming forest green jersey while I use logic to quell my fears.

2. Axel Witsel is in London– Know what this coming weekend is? That’s right, it’s International Break. That means Axel is hanging out with all of our Belgian contingent as opposed to flying in for a medical. Add in the fact that AVB wouldn’t sell Daniel Levy a bottle of water if he were dying thirst and we can dismiss this rumor out of hand.

3. Bale is going to United– No matter what the price tag I always enjoy this rumor getting started to sell some papers in England. Gareth Bale is in the prime of his career and struggled emotionally to leave Tottenham to move to Real Madrid. Do you really think he wants to go through the mental anguish of coming back and playing for United? Plus, Van Gaal would surely make him get a proper hair cut which he is clearly philosophically opposed to at the moment.

4. Emmanuel Adebayor to United– This is maybe my favorite pop up rumor of the day. I get a great deal of pleasure imagining Levy calling up Ed Woodward, offering Adebayor on loan, then hanging up and giggling like a 12-year-old school girl making crank calls. If you want some added amusement, picture Baldini there running around and clapping in glee.

5. Damiao to Spurs– It’s a cult tradition now, but it’s total rubbish. I’m not even sure the man really exists. I just think the images we’ve seen are just a composite of all Brazilian men with the face obscured by kissing the back of his hand.

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6. DeAndre Yedlin loaned to the dark side of the moon– Unless we’re utterly convinced that he will not become a Premier League quality player then the variety of obscure loan moves I’ve seen today don’t make much sense. If we were talking about a Championship or low level Premier League loan then I’d place a lot of value in it. I don’t see him going to play for a semi pro team in the Maldives.

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7. Ryan Mason named to England Squad– Wait, this actually happened? Just kidding Ryan, I love your attitude, just not your ability.

8. Wanyama to Spurs– Let’s give this one the old logic test. Does Southampton need to sell? No. Are we inclined to make a crazy high bid for him? No. Have Southampton come out publicly and said he’s not for sale at any price? Yes. Nothing to see here, move along folks.

9. Martial chooses United over Spurs– Wait this one actually happened too? Spurs were reluctant to bid €25m for the player earlier in the window, but United came in and “stole” him for €50m. Maybe this should be higher up the list of stupidity even if it isn’t on Tottenham’s behalf. He may become a great player, but this screams panic; louder than that annoying guy you know who screams beast mode after lifting weights.

10. Ibra to Spurs– This is the most fun of the group, but also takes the cake for being the dumbest. I’m all for Poch’s private targets but I’m not even sure Zlatan knows what league we play in.

Enjoy the chaos folks. As dumb as these ten transfer rumors are, they won’t hold a candle to the chaos of tomorrow!

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