Alan’s Diary – Views On Tottenham, Football Pundits And ‘Yid’ Word


White Hart Lane [Photo: Logan Holmes]Alan’s Season 2013-14 Diary 6

What with the YIDS issue and the mini-series on Greg Dyke’s speech, my blogs have been a bit heavy recently. Hopefully, this one will be a bit more light-hearted, in parts at least.

Thursday 12 September 2013
Greg Dyke is due to attend a Premier League meeting today. The first since his keynote speech. That should be interesting.

Andre Villas-Boas has said in a TV interview that he does not anticipate Spurs winning the Premier League this season. The press have made a big deal of it with comments like “despite having spent £100 million” conveniently ignoring why we had to spend it in the first place. All he did was honestly and accurately state that the new signings needed time to knit together, like the very top teams that have already spent a few years playing together.

Down on the farm
We had a nice day out at a local farm that has diversified with a tea rooms and a petting area where you can take kids to stroke the baa lambs, baby goats etc. As we strolled across the yard, a rather large goose waddled up to a little girl and started to peck away at the open packet of crisps she was enjoying. She was clearly distraught and I couldn’t see her parents anywhere so I rushed over and shooed the goose away. I thought no more of it and my wife and I spent a very pleasant remainder of the day. Imagine my surprise when there was a knock on the door this afternoon and it was a man from the RSPCA. It turns out my actions at the farm had been witnessed by another visitor, who happens to be an FA lawyer in his day job. He had reported my actions in line with the behaviour policies exemplified in the recent FA statement about the use of the term “Yids” by Spurs supporters. Yes that’s right. He had asked the RSPCA to consider prosecuting me for saying “boo” to a goose…

Saturday 14 September
What a day! My first back at White Hart Lane in ages.

Monday 15 September
I have just realised that I have got 80 hours a year of my life back. I find this season’s changes to the pundits on live football matches so irritating that I now don’t turn the programmes on until the match kicks off and I turn it off again as soon as the game finishes. That gives me approximately 2 hours back from every game I am not mentioning any names here because everyone has a right to earn a living and I really respected the individual who is making me switch off as a footballer and a man. However, I struggle to understand him and the sound of his voice drives me to distraction. It sounds a bit like the noise my washbasin makes as the last of the water drains down the plug. It conjures up mental images of the Chipmunks, Elmer Fudd and Porky the Pig.

I thought it must be me until I read an article in the Times which said pretty much the same thing. Don’t the television companies audition their presenters before they employ them, or do some market research on customers’ reactions? Last year I was delighted to find what a fantastic pundit Gary Neville was from day one, despite my fears when I heard of his appointment in advance. I was that impressed that I made a point of tuning in from the start of the programmes and watching them through to the end. This season the opposite applies. Having seen a Times reporter’s identical reaction, it makes me think much of the rest of the TV audience will feel the same way. He provided a jokey translation guide, “They’ve dishwasher a packet of butter and Westminster Ferguson Malawi”. Translation, “That was shocking defending by Newcastle”. The TV company concerned averages approx. 1 million viewers per game. So at 2 hours per game for 40 or so matches per season, that’s 80 million viewing hours per season they may be losing from their advertising. Surely sponsors will not allow that situation to continue for long?

Tuesday 17 September
I am delighted to see that David Cameron has come out in favour of my stance on the Yids issue and told the FA to back off. I did send a copy of my blog last week to the official Tottenham Supporters Trust. I wonder if the P.M.’s advisors contacted them for a view. Surely not……

Wednesday 18 September
Man in court for trying to have sex with sheep at Tottenham training ground. This is a genuine story from today’s London Evening Standard.

The truth will always out. Is this why he had to go?