Tottenham Players Receive New Nicknames
The history of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club is vast and glorious. It is full of big personalities, amazing fans and impactful slogans, but it does fall short in one very serious manner. Our beloved Club has a deplorable lack of nicknames. It’s a vast challenge to correct this horrific oversight, but we must begin immediately if our children can be free of this plight. In an effort to right the wrongs of our past, enjoy my assignment of nicknaming to our current squad. Even if just a few stick, it will all be worth it.
1. Harry Kane>Able Kane- This young cornerstone of our franchise perhaps needs a nickname more than anyone. He has the talent, the swagger, the eye for goal….but with the name Harry it’s just going to be tough to become iconic. The last name, Kane gives us plenty to work with. Kaniac isn’t too easy, but it doesn’t fit the smooth nature of his game. I’m going with “Able Kane” as a takeoff on the biblical narrative crossed with an homage to his immense capability.
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2. Danny Rose>Danny Bros- He is a physical defender that embodies what a “man’s man” is all about. His fearless style of play willingness to mix it up with anyone make him just like the ideal mate to have a pint with. That’s why Danny is one of the Bros!
3. Jan Vertonghen>The Janitor- Something tells me the Belgian defender wouldn’t approve but it really is apt. His job is to be a rock at the back of defense and clean up any mess that comes his way which is just like a janitor. Combine this with his often surly attitude that reminds me a little of Groundskeeper Willie from the Simpsons – also a janitor – and you have a perfect fit.
4. Toby Alderweireld>The Office- All I can think of when I hear the name Toby is the HR representative on the American version of The Office. Obviously this doesn’t inspire a vision of a strong commanding defender. Still, I can’t shake the association so I just turned it around. Alderweireld has proven an all encompassing and intimidating talent already for Spurs. This multitude of skills make him “The Office.” Also, think of the fun with a centre-back pairing of The Office and The Janitor.
5. Eric Dier>Dier Wolf- This is by no means an original thought as it has been bandied about on Twitter. If you’ve ever watched Game of Thrones then you understand the vicious, combative and loyal nature of the dire wolf. These qualities make it the perfect nickname for our young defensive midfielder who hunts the opposition with ruthless aggression.
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6. Nacer Chadli>The Dolphin- Full credit to The Fighting Cock podcast on this one. If you listen regularly, and you should, the explanation is clear.
7. Emmanuel Adebayor>The Thief- He is robbing us for about £100k a week so why not?
8. Dele Alli>Tottenham Alli- An obvious takeoff on Muhammad Ali, Dele has the chance to be our franchise player. He can nutmeg like a butterfly and attack like a bee so this one fits perfectly. The only thing missing is trunks and his own stadium intro.
9. Hugo Lloris>The French Rejection- I’m quite embarrassed that our team captain doesn’t already have a nickname. Hell, I’m embarrassed he doesn’t already have THIS nickname. His ability to keep clean sheets and his obvious lineage make this nickname too good to be true.
Hope you’ve enjoyed my efforts to correct a 133 year old problem by providing our Tottenham lads some proper nicknames. Let me know what you think in the comments and I’m certainly open to other suggestions. Together, we can fix this vital bit of Tottenham tradition one nickname at a time.